Knock knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah any good football jokes? We do! In fact, we found the funniest collection of football jokes around. Share these football jokes with your students this gridiron season and enjoy a few good laughs together.
Our Favorite Football Jokes
1. What did the receiver say to the football?
Catch you later.
2. Why can’t football players wear glasses on the field?
Because it’s a contact sport.
3. Why was Cinderella such a lousy football player?
Because her coach was a pumpkin.
4. What is a football player’s favorite ice cream?
Any given sundae.
5. What happens to football players who go blind?
They become referees.
6. Why did the chocolate chip cookie drop all its chips?
Because that’s the way the cookie fumbles.
7. Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
The one with the biggest head.
8. How did the octopuses win the football game?
With their tentackles.
9. Where do football players dance?
At a foot ball.
10. How do chickens encourage their football teams?
They egg them on.
11. Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?
New Jersey.
12. How do football players deal with their problems?
They tackle them head-on.
13. When should football players wear armor?
When they play knight games.
14. What football player has very strong legs and builds houses?
A carpunter.
15. Why do coaches like punters?
Because punters always put their best foot forward.
16. Where do hungry football players play?
In the Supper Bowl.
17. What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
“Put me in coach!”
18. What do you call a lineman’s kid?
A chip off the old blocker.
19. What did the football say to the punter?
I get a kick out of you.
20. What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman-ship.
21. Which insect doesn’t play football well?
The fumble bee.
22. What did the guy say when his wife left him because he was obsessed with football?
“Oh well, we had five good seasons together.”
23. Which football game do cats like to watch?
The Goldfish Bowl.
24. Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch.
25. What do centers wear on their feet?
Hiking shoes.
26. What did the football player say when someone offered him a shot at the bar?
I’ll pass.
27. What do football players wear on Halloween?
Face masks.
28. Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor.
29. How do football players stay cool?
By standing close to the fans.
30. Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain.
31. Which two football teams played in the pirate Super Bowl?
The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.
32. Why did the football player ask his coach to flood the field?
So he could go in as a sub.
33. What kind of tea do football players drink?
Penaltea.
34. What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever downfield.
35. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
They needed a little team spirit.
36. What do you call 20 Minnesota Vikings fans in the basement?
A whine cellar.
37. Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
He was a boxer.
38. Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave.
39. Which state should the Tampa Bay Buccaneers move to?
Arrrrrrrrrkansas.
40. Who is the leader of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?
Captain Hook.
41. Did you hear college football is introducing the Rosary Bowl?
Every play is a Hail Mary.
42. Why shouldn’t you play football in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs.
43. Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness.
44. Why did the football quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around.
45. What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement?
Gridirony.
46. Why did the football player bring string to the game?
So he could tie the score.
47. What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All-porpoise yardage.
48. Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music?
Because he broke all the records.
49. Why should you never alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be charged with interference.
50. Why couldn’t the losing team get into their own parking lot?
Someone painted an end zone on it.
51. When is a football player like a fisherman?
When he gets the catch of the day.
52. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A football coach.
53. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?
One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.
54. Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism?
The guy retained possession.
55. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back!
56. The last time I played tackle football without pads, I broke three ribs and a collarbone.
Fortunately, none of them were mine.
57. What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
58. Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield?
He was trying to make ends meet.
59. Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?
Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes half back.
60. Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
He didn’t have the guts.
61. When is a football player like a judge?
When he sits on the bench.
62. Why are centipedes not allowed to play on bug football teams?
It takes too long to put their cleats on.
63. What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
The Dallas Cowboys.
64. How is a football referee like an angry chicken?
They both have fowl mouths.
65. I was wondering why the football was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
66. What do you get when you cross a quarterback with a carpet?
A throw rug.
67. What do a bad football team and opossums have in common?
Both can play dead and get killed on the road.
68. What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath.
69. What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice?
Let’s wrap this up.
70. Why do ballet dancers make such good NFL kickers?
They know how to split the uprights.
71. Why couldn’t the skeleton get a date for the football game?
Because he had no body to go with.
72. Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a football field?
Under the ghoul posts.
73. How do football players greet each other?
With a high five yard line.
74. What is it called when a dinosaur gets a touchdown?
A dino-score.
75. What do football players and actors have in common?
They both know how to put on a show.
76. What did the bumblebee running back say after getting a touchdown?
Hive scored.
77. Why was the football player so good at playing cards?
Because he was dealing with a full deck.
78. What are successful kickers always trying to do?
Reach goals.
79. Why can’t the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play golf?
They always hook the ball.
80. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the football!
81. Why couldn’t the defensive football player pass his test in school?
He was a tackling dummy.
82. Why didn’t the lousy football team have a website?
They couldn’t string three W’s together.
83. Why can’t you play football with pigs?
They hog the ball.
84. How are scrambled eggs like a losing football team?
They’ve both been beaten.
85. Which football team has the coolest helmets?
The one with the most fans.
86. What do you get when you cross a running back and the Invisible Man?
Scoring like no one has ever seen.
87. What kind of football team cries when it loses?
A bawl club.
88. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah.
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball.
89. Why is it always warmer after a football game?
All the fans have left.
90. How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?
If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver.
91. How do you get out of a locked car if you have nothing but a football?
Unlock the door and pull the handle.
92. Why don’t grasshoppers watch football?
They prefer cricket.
93. Where do Jedi play football?
On the force field.
94. Why do football players struggle to eat sandwiches?
They think they can’t use their hands.
95. Are lightning bolts good at football?
No, they’re shocking.
96. What did NASA use to build a football field on the moon?
Astroturf.
97. What runs along the edge of the field during a football game but never moves?
The sideline.
98. Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike.
99. What football play should you be suspicious of?
The quarterback sneak.
100. Why was Cinderella fired from the football team?
Because she always ran away from the ball.
101. Where do football players go shopping in the off-season?
The tackle shop.
102. Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?
Out to pass-ture.
103. How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball—it drives them nuts.
104. Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?
There’s no atmosphere.
105. Which quarterback can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of them. A crossbar can’t jump.
106. Why did the football player hold his cleats to his ear?
Because he liked sole music.
107. How did Scrooge end up with the football?
The Ghost of Christmas passed.
108. What’s the difference between a football player and time?
The football player runs up and down the field, but time just marches on.
109. What type of arachnid is best at football?
A score-pion.
110. What happened to the joke the quarterback told his players?
It went over their heads.
111. What kind of ends do you find at the library?
Bookends.
112. Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football?
The wide receiver.
113. Why was the pig ejected from the football game?
For playing dirty.
114. Why did the chicken get ejected from the football game?
For persistent fowl play.
115. Why did the scarecrow become a football player?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
116. Why do football players do well in school?
They know how to use their heads.
117. Why is the football team so good at math?
Because they know how to find the X’s and O’s.
118. What’s the difference between a football player and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
119. Why do ghosts like football?
It’s a boo-last.
120. Why did the football player bring a ladder to the game?
He wanted to reach the high score.
121. What’s a football player’s favorite part of a joke?
The punt-line.
122. What do football players eat before a big game?
Fast food—they need to be quick on their feet.
123. Why did the football player go to the team party?
To have a ball.
124. Why did the football player study music?
To improve his score.
125. What is the most popular sport on the Fourth of July?
Flag football.
126. Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
127. What’s the difference between a Jets fan and a baby?
The baby will stop whining after a while.
128. What did the football referee say to Darth Vader?
That’s a five-yard penalty for using the force.
129. The Incredible Hulk: “Hulk play football.”
The other team: “We forfeit.”
130. Which football team was the phone’s favorite?
The Chargers.
131. Why was it so hot at the football game?
Because there were no fans at the stadium.
132. Why do Jets fans always carry a map?
Because they can’t find their way into the end zone!
133. Did the foot have fun at the dance party?
Yes, it had a ball!
134. Why did the football sigh?
It was feeling deflated.
135. Where do college football teams eat breakfast?
At the cereal bowl.
136. Why did the football say “Ow!”?
It got kicked.
137. What do you call a dinosaur that plays football?
A fumble-raptor!
138. Why did the football player go to the mountain?
To reach the peak of his game.
139. Why did the football player go to the desert?
To experience the heat of the game.
140. What is the hardest part of football?
The ground.
141. What goes all around a football field but never moves?
A fence.
142. Which football player wears the biggest cleats?
The one with the biggest feet.
143. Two football teams play a game against each other. The home team wins, but not a single man from either team scored a touchdown. How can this be?
They were women’s teams.
144. When do football jokes become dad jokes?
When they become apparent.
145. Why did Saturday and Sunday make for the best football players?
The other days are weakdays.
146. I like to tell dad football jokes.
Sometimes he even laughs.
147. Why didn’t the oyster make a good football player?
He was too shellfish.
148. What did the cat quarterback eat for breakfast before a big game?
Mice Krispies.
149. What did the cloud football player wear under his uniform?
Thunder-wear.
150. Why did the cabbage football team win the game?
It was a-head when the buzzer sounded.
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