There are many things that society expects from those of us in charge of educating children. For better or worse, that often means we are forced to constantly be on our best behavior (or at least look like we are). No one’s perfect, however, and although we’d never admit it to those outside the world of education, here are some teacher secrets that we’ve all secretly done. And, we’re not likely to admit it to anyone but our fellow teachers. #SorryNotSorry
1. We’ve all been happy when certain students were absent.
“Oh, Michael has strep and is going to be out for the rest of the week? That’s terrible! What? No, of course I’m not laughing! I’m … coughing! I just swallowed some water, and it went down the wrong pipe. That’s all.”
2. We’ve all hoped for extra snow and ice to cause a snow day.
“All right, I know I checked 10 minutes ago, but weather changes, right? I should just check again. Hmm … maybe another weather app would have a more up-to-date prediction …”
3. We’ve all tried to sneak snacks or drinks without students seeing us.
“No, I did not bring enough for the class, nosey. That’s why I’m hiding behind the bookshelf stuffing the cookie I didn’t get to eat during my lunch period into my face like a squirrel loading up for winter! Do your math!”
4. We’ve all faked genuine interest while receiving terrible admin feedback.
“I will absolutely think about how I can implement that idea. Thank you so much!”
5. We’ve all failed to be the “grown-up” in an argument with a student.
“I know you are, but what am I? You know what? Just be quiet and do your work … ’cause I said so.”
6. We’ve all played a little fast and loose with our sick days.
“I may not have a fever, the flu, or any other physical illness, but if I come into school today, I may lose it. Does that count?”
7. We’ve all shown a movie or made students do something silently because we needed a break.
“OK, I have a migraine. So we’re going to silently take out our textbooks and silently solve problems 1 through 67. Did I mention that we would be doing this silently?”
8. We’ve all realized something really embarrassing way too late.
“My skirt is tucked into my tights? But I haven’t been to the bathroom in hours …”
9. We’ve all been secretly furious when asked to do icebreakers at staff meetings.
“Would it be inappropriate to write IHATEPD on a vanity nameplate? Asking for a friend.”
10. We’ve all had favorite students we like just a little bit more than the others.
“Aliyah joined the lacrosse team? That’s amazing! She and I talked all last year about her doing that.”
11. We’ve all stolen (or at least thought about stealing) that drink or snack from the faculty fridge.
“OK, on one hand, stealing this Diet Coke is a terrible, horrible violation of coworker trust. On the other hand, if I don’t get some caffeine in me there’s no way I can get through the rest of this day. Tricky … very tricky.”
12. We’ve all had that one colleague whose drama is just too much.
“No, to be honest, when Karen mentioned that she thought it might be fun to try a different novel next year, I didn’t take it as her saying that everything you teach is boring and old-fashioned and you aren’t a good teacher. I just thought, you know, that she thinks it might be fun to try a new book next year.”
13. We’ve all regretted something we’ve said to our students.
“OK, I need to amend my earlier statement about there being no dumb questions. ‘Cause there are … there really are.”
14. We’ve all secretly wondered what other jobs we could do with a teaching degree.
“I could be a truck driver. Just me. Driving along. No one calling my name a million times a day. Just me. Listening to the radio. Or not. I could just sit in complete silence and drive.”
15. We’ve all secretly giggled at anyone who doesn’t have a job as awesome as ours.
“Wait. Your job doesn’t make you laugh, cry, jump up and down with joy, pull your hair out, sadder and happier than you’ve ever been? You don’t absolutely know for sure that you’re making a real difference every day? Wow, that’s … weird.”
What teacher secrets did we forget to reveal? Come on, we’re all teachers here. You can tell us.