20 Things You Never Thought You’d Say Until You Became a Teacher

Seriously? Did I just say that out loud?

20 Surprising Things you Say as a Teacher

For teachers, there’s almost no such thing as a normal day. Students (no matter how old they are) do some pretty strange things over the course of the school day. Often times, you find yourself stringing together sentences that you probably couldn’t have even guessed would come out of your mouth. Like ever. Recently, we asked our Facebook fans to share some of the most surprising things you say as a teacher. Here’s what they had to say.

1.) “Please don’t bite me.”

Met with “Oh, I wasn’t going to bite you, I just wanted to lick you.’” —Lori B, Facebook

2.) “Who is snorting like a pig?”

Ceri Anne L commented this on Facebook, and it is certainly true that teachers end up having to investigate mysterious animal noises being made by humans more often than the average person does.

3.) “Boys, we are NOT going to have a fart fest today!”

I teach sixth grade computers…I have 26 kids. Three are girls; the rest are boys. Today, I walked into my classroom after passing time and was hit by a wall of stench… so, I found myself saying this. —Amy B, Facebook

4.) “Please don’t put pipe cleaners in your nose. Don’t put them in your friend’s nose either.”

I said this to sixth graders this morning. —Kathy V, Facebook

5.) “Turn off your shoes!”

I never thought I’d have to say this. Good ol’ light up shoes that turn on and off with a button! —Holly B, Facebook

6.) “Get your eraser out of your bellybutton!”

I actually said “Get your borraodor out of your ombligo!” Because I was talking to a third grade Spanish class. —Gretchen M, Facebook

7.) “Take your finger out of the hole in your desk. It’s going to get stuck again.”

I said this to a senior last week. —Meredith J, Facebook

8.) “We keep our eyes open when we’re walking to be safe!”

I overheard this being said by a colleague to her first graders in the hallway. —Debra M, Facebook

9.) “Don’t touch my tummy. I don’t touch your tummy.”

Me to my first graders. Regularly. —Kathy D, Facebook

10.) “Do NOT lick urinals!”

Words I never thought I’d EVER have to say. —Ann C, Facebook

11.) “If you kiss him, I will send you to the office.”

I had to say this to two high school senior boys during class. —Gina R, Facebook

12.) “No, you can’t pick up the poop with your hands OR with a stick.”

My statement today to a fifth grader. —Jenny M, Facebook

13.) “Stop sucking on that stain on your pants.”

Today I had to say this. —Kellie B, Facebook

14.) “Even if your hands don’t smell like pee,  you still need to wash them.”

This comment, made by Meagan C on our Facebook page, brings up a few questions I’m really getting tired of asking myself. For example: Why don’t kids wash their hands? How many times must we describe to them why they need to wash their hands?

15.) “Put your eyeball back in your head and quit scaring the girls with it.”

I’ve actually said this. The student had a fake eye from a bb gun accident. —Susan W, Facebook

16.) “Stop snorting Altoids up your nose!”

This is a new one even for me! I teach eighth grade math. —Dinah F, Facebook

17.) “*Insert name here*, where are your pants?!”

I had to ask a freshman in high school this! —Julianne M, Facebook

18.) “You are NOT allowed to take off your shoe and bite your toenails in this classroom.”

I said this today. —Madisen M, Facebook

19.) “If you’re thirsty please go drink out of the water fountain instead of that puddle.”

This statement, made in a comment on our Facebook page by Mandy R, haunts me during every lunch/recess period I get assigned to. I’m looking at you, Jimmy. YOU HAVE A WATER BOTTLE!

20.) “Don’t lick your armpit! We have already discussed this!”

I said this to a nine-year-old boy today. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt so there was no barrier. You truly can’t make these things up. —Donna T, Facebook

What are some of the strangest sentences you’ve said in your classroom? Share them with us in our Facebook group, WeAreTeachers Chat!

Plus, take a look at these 18 hilarious GIFs that summarize my first year as a teacher.

20 Things You Never Thought You'd Say as a Teacher

Posted by Uma Moyse

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