In the world of caffeinated humor, few things are as invigorating as a well-crafted coffee joke, especially for tired teachers. From witty one-liner jokes to cheesy puns, the art of coffee-related humor is something many of us appreciate—especially after a rough morning! Whether you prefer your brew strong or your humor dark-roasted, we’ve put together this list of coffee jokes and puns to keep you perked up all day!
Our Favorite Coffee Jokes and Puns
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
How does a tech guy drink coffee?
He installs Java.
How does coffee talk to its therapist?
It spills the beans.
What’s big, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut.
Why are all baristas good at solving mysteries?
Because they know how to find the grounds.
What do you call sad coffee?
Depresso.
How does a coffee tree greet people?
With a latte enthusiasm!
How does a coffee bean say good morning?
“Have a brew-tiful day!”
What’s a coffee lover’s favorite Beatles song?
“Latte Be.”
How do you know if you’ve had too much coffee while watching TV?
You channel-surf faster without a remote.
Why was the coffee cold?
It left its mug on the table.
How do you know if you’re a coffee addict?
You sleep with your eyes open.
What do you call two coffee mugs sitting side by side?
A happy cup-ple.
What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
Mugging.
How does a cup of coffee feel about life?
It’s bean thinking a latte.
What kind of coffee do vampires drink?
Decoffinated.
What did the espresso say to the coffee bean?
You crack me up.
How are coffee beans like kids?
They’re always getting grounded.
What’s it called when you’re really into coffee?
A brewing romance.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How does a coffee profess its love?
“Words cannot espresso what you mean to me.”
Why did the espresso break up with the coffee bean?
It wasn’t their cup of tea.
Where does one cup of coffee talk to another?
At the coffee pot.
How do you make a coffee float?
You use heavy cream.
What kind of picture did the police take of the coffee?
A mug shot.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What’s a barista’s favorite programming language?
Java.
How does a coffee snob take their coffee?
Seriously. Very seriously.
Why did the barista get fired?
They kept showing up to work in a tea-shirt.
What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee?
Raw raw raw raw raw.
What’s a barista’s favorite exercise?
The French press.
I was drinking coffee in my snow boots this morning.
I thought to myself, “I need to get a mug.”
Did you hear about the guy who put World War II figures in his coffee every morning?
He heard that the best part of waking up was soldiers in your cup.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Why do some people call fresh coffee mud?
Because it was just ground a few minutes ago.
What do you call it when a coffee joke is so funny that it causes an uproar?
A brew-haha.
There are two kinds of people in the world …
Those who love coffee and liars.
What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?
What’s Sumatra with you?
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can be a strong, heated debate.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for the coffee.
What did the coffee lover name her son?
Joe.
How is divorce like espresso?
It’s expensive and bitter.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there …
You may be drinking too much coffee.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Where do birds go for coffee?
To the Nest-cafe.
What does a coffee lover say when they want to ask their crush out on a date?
I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
Because they know how to espresso themselves.
How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?
One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.
What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?
Déjà brew.
What’s the soup of the day?
Coffee.
What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?
Break fluid.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?
It’s a cheap shot.
I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee …
Safe tea first, though.
A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”
What do you call the first level of a coffee factory?
The ground floor.
Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?
Because he was pressed for time.
Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would commit a crime for a cup of coffee.
I really should move that mirror.
A man went to his doctor and complained that every time he drinks coffee, he gets a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The doctor said, “Have you tried taking the spoon out?”
A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go.
The coffee gets up and leaves.
What currency can we use to buy coffee in space?
Star-bucks.
I just got myself a top-of-the-line coffee maker.
It has a lot of perks.
“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?”
“Two dollars, and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill.”
How does Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?
Because they have Italian titles for everything!
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
How do you make beef jerky?
Give the cows some coffee.
I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.
I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes, I realized I forgot my car.
What do beans say to their valentines?
You keep me grounded.
What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song?
“Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”
How did Henry VIII like his coffee?
Decap.
What did the coffee say before a night out?
Let’s stir up some trouble!
What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra?
Rise and grind!
You mocha me very happy.
Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.
Where have you bean all my life?
It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.
Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
I made a pot of coffee, espresso-ly for you.
You’re brew-tiful.
We’re the perfect blend.
Espresso yourself.
Just brew it.
What are your favorite coffee jokes and puns? Come share in our We Are Teachers HELPLINE group on Facebook!
Plus, if you liked these coffee jokes, check out these Cheesy Teacher Jokes That Make Us Laugh Out Loud.
