Infertility affects your life physically, emotionally, and financially, but when youâre a teacher, and youâre literally in the business of children, infertility can bring on even more unexpected challenges. If youâre one of the many teachers struggling with infertility, Iâm sure you can relate. If youâre working with one of these teachers, keep these situations in mind to best support your teacher friend.
Hereâs what you can expect in the classroom environment.
Your colleagues with kids have an easier time with parents
You envy those colleagues who can instantly relate to parents by simply using the magical phrase, âI know with my kidsâŠ.â Itâs a real advantage, and understandably so. Parents can relate to the idiosyncrasies of raising boys, or twins, or kids in general, and when teachers talk about their kids, parents feel like they âget it.â Theyâve been there. Theyâre not judging me.
Being infertile means not being able to instantly relate to a parent. It means hearing the phrase, âAs a parent âŠâ in a conversation, and knowing that youâre automatically shut out. If only they knew what youâve been through and what youâve been doing in the hopes of one day being able to use that magic phrase.
You feel like you have to do more for your team
Youâve been mentored and molded into the teacher you are today because of the amazing educators youâve worked with. Many of them have kids, and even though they may not directly ask you to do more, your own guilt of knowing they have kids and I donât means volunteering to do more.
This can quickly spiral out of control, and eventually, you can feel trapped under the expectation of doing more. The tricky part is that you want to do more! You know your teacher friends with kids are tired, and stressed, but resentment can build when the expectation becomes that extra work goes to you, the childless oneâespecially when you wish you werenât childless. Â
You get extra summer judgment
I know what youâre thinking. Donât all teachers get that summer judgment? Like we should be working second jobs because weâre off (which many teachers do), or just the general well what are you going to do all summer? If youâre a parent, this judgment is less inflicted. Obviously, these parents spend time with their kids all summer!
When youâre a childless teacher, people canât imagine you would not work during the summer months. And youâll feel the guilt too. What you canât tell the summer-judgers is that you purposely scheduled surgeries, appointments, and medical tests for summer. What you canât tell them is that youâre hoping this is your last childless summer. Summer, for so many infertile teachers, becomes an all-in poker game, but when the next summer comes, and youâre still not pregnant, summer can also be a painful reminder of yet another year of infertility.
You feel guilty for not being able to explain your absences
When youâre a teacher and youâre not at school, itâs both a gift and a curse that peopleâlots of peopleânotice when youâre gone. Your students (hopefully) love you, and when they ask âwhere were you?â, theyâre asking because they missed you! But the normal âappointmentâ vagueness can wear off and start to seem suspicious when itâs oftenâand seems to be at the same time every single month. Or when itâs for a surgery you canât talk about because itâs too hard to and too personal to explain. Or when itâs just for a mental health day after yet another big, fat, negative pregnancy test. Teaching is so personal, and itâs extremely hard to have to explain your absences without, well, the truth.
You put on a happy face even though the hormones are making you crazy
Infertility treatments start with hormonal medicationsâand it honestly just escalates from there. You might be taking Clomid or Femara as your first step when youâve reached that something is not right with my fertility stage. From there, more intense treatments also involve taking these medications, so you might be taking them for multiple YEARS.
And⊠they can make you crazy.
You are more emotional due to infertility in general, but also because youâre chemically altering your bodyâs hormone balance. Those tears, those quick reactions, or even just the debilitating headaches you get are normal ⊠but it sucks. Itâs so much easier when you can say Iâm sorry for what I said when I was on Clomid, but that wonât work with students, and itâs not a great option in general when infertility is such a personal and taboo topic. This can make you feel even more trapped, alone, and guiltyâeven though youâre already dealing with all the emotional baggage of infertility in general.
Are one of many teachers struggling with infertility? Come share on our WeAreTeachers Helpline.Â
Plus, many teachers (whether they are parents or not) are in danger of caretaker collapse.