To say that I know teachers who are tired is like saying, “I know a baby who cries,” or “I know a pizza that is delicious.” Of course; it’s expected. It’s November. Not only are we neck-deep in DEVOLSON (the Dark, Evil Vortex of Late September, October, and November), but we’ve just trudged through the sugar-induced mood swings of Halloween, the onslaught of paperwork and parent emails at the end of a grading period, and, chances are, as you were reading this paragraph, you probably just got an another red-exclamation-point e-mail in your inbox.
It’s rough out there, my friends.
One of the best ways to cope with this time of year is by laughing. Recently I had my readers finish the sentence, “This week I was so tired I _____” on a Facebook status.
The responses were some of the most fabulous bits of literature I’ve ever read. Enjoy them with me, won’t you?
Some were all-too-familiar experiences:
“Looked all over for my phone, panicking… while I was having a conversation on it.”—Karen B.
“Gave up and ate cookie dough for dinner.”—Jackie V.
“Wrote the date as 2015 on the board. The kids actually looked a little concerned.”—Brianna G.
“Literally lost my marbles (the marbles are for an atomic structure lab)”—Alexandra F.
“Tried to leave the house in slippers. Again.”—Katherine D.
“Tried to make coffee with out water, then tried to make coffee again…without coffee.”—Stephanie T.
“Couldn’t remember my name when meeting a student and his mom.”—Nikolette B.
“Carried my SMARTboard remote home and tried to unlock my front door with it.”—Mackenzie P.
“A student dropped his keys and I said ‘Bless you.’”—Brittany L.
“Put my khakis on inside out and couldn’t figure out why I had such a hard time buttoning them.”—Kate K.
Others made me gasp:
“Accidentally took home a set of keys that AREN’T mine…”—Candace R.
“Brushed my teeth with SalonPas muscle cream.”—Ashley R.
“Started to pour my coffee into a candle jar.”—Heather B.
“Cried over spilled water.”—Diane
“Accidentally grabbed a glue stick out of my desk drawer and put it on like Chapstick.”—Kaitlin P.
And some put me in very real danger of choking on my own laughter:
“Never even made it to the couch but for some reason sat cross-legged in the middle of the dining room floor for quite some time.”—Jocelyn S.
“Not this week, but once I took my cat’s pill at breakfast. I realized when I found myself trying to give her a much larger pill.”—Connie H.
“Walked headfirst into the door of the bathroom stall because I was apparently too tired to open it all the way before trying to step through it.”—Katie M.
“Received a check in the mail. It was from me. I mailed my trash bill to myself.”—Christa S.
Finally, my personal favorite:
“Took my spouse to the supermarket and divided the shopping list. Then I purchased my items and drove off leaving him stranded and confused.”—Yasmin M.
What about you? Finish the sentence: “This week I was so tired I ______.”
Her own responses to “This week I was so tired I _____” are:
- Neglected to realize while writing this status that ‘this week’ has had one day in it.
- Was scratching my armpit like a Neanderthal at a red light and looked over and saw the driver of the next car staring at me. I continued scratching.
- Accidentally just spilled a full glass of water on my dog, who looked at me like, “Why you do that, Mommy?”