As you stand around the piano to sing, lift your glasses of eggnog and…oh, wait. I meant as you huddle in the teachers’ lounge for warmth because the heat is out again, frantically trying to get projects graded so you can figure out which sixteen kids didn’t turn one in, may these songs lift your spirits with the true meaning of holidays; two whole weeks away from school.
To the Tune of “Chestnuts Roasting”
Poptart warming in the microwave;
Forgot my sandwich once again.
Kids at lunchtime don’t know how to behave.
“Please don’t stab your neighbor with a pen!”
Everybody gets 6,000 ugly coffee mugs
Perhaps you’ll get a gift card, too.
Just don’t breathe too deeply during goodbye hugs
Or your Christmas gift will be the flu.
We know that break is on its way,
If I can just survive these kids for one more day.
And when the last bell rings at four o’clock
We’ll all get drinks (I’ll have mine on the rocks!)
And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To teachers, staff, and students too:
I’ll be asleep for the next fourteen days,
But Merry Christmas to you!
To the Tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”
Oh you better watch out
You better still try!
No movies today
I’m telling you why
Principal’s observing right now.
She sees that Johnny’s sleeping
And Sandra’s eating cake
And you have got your iPhone out
Put it up for goodness sake!
Oh, you better watch out
You better still try
No movies today
I’m telling you why.
Principal’s observing right now!
To the Tune of “Silent Night”
Flip her lid
Most days I love you so
But now I want you to go
Bus can’t get here too soon
Buses can’t get here too soon.
To the Tune of “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”
I’m starting on your last essays
The ones I’m grading over break
Where there is no thesis
The concept’s specious
It seems you forgot your grade’s at stake…
I’m working on your last essays
And as I grade them I’d advise
Unwrap all your presents
Hide away their contents
Before I tell your mom you plagiarized.
I’m finishing your last essays
With every helpful hint I write
Next time please remember to cite
And may all your comma faults be slight.