Dear WeAreTeachers,
Long story, but hereās the short version. I put some patio furniture for sale on a social media marketplace. A guy reached out wanting to buy it, but we entered into this really frustrating weeklong back-and-forth on pricing. He then accused me of being stingy (using colorful language), and I used equally colorful language back for him wasting my time. Then I get this message: āOmg Mrs. E! Itās Liam. I got you so bad!ā It was one of my former students who is a grade older now but still at our school as an eighth grader. Iām panicking at the potential for this to be used against me. What should I do? āWrought Iron Regret
Dear W.I.R.,
Arenāt teenagers lovely? (I actually do love them, but boy, can they raise hell.)
Hereās your to-do list:
- Donāt say anything else to the patio-buyer-turned-student.
- Tell an administrator what happened ASAP, whether by text or email. Explain that the student was pretending to be a buyer when the interaction took place. Clarify that you wanted to make sure your administrator was aware of the issue first and ask whether you need to take any action.
- Talk to the student (or have your administrator do it) about their digital footprint and about the many examples of how much online trolling and pranks have cost students later in life.
I want to be clear that this was not your fault and that teachersāhuman beings, as the world likes to forgetāare entitled to emotions like anger. As long as your colorful language didnāt include hate speech, this should be a non-issue. But to protect yourself in the future from digital teenage hell-raising, you may want to consider adjusting your privacy settings or searchability online.
I will end with a final point one of my favorite former principals here in Houston used to tell us: āDonāt put anything in writing that you wouldnāt want on the front page of the Chronicle.ā She wasnāt telling us we couldnāt ever utter anything thatās less than professional. She was warning us of the permanence of what we type online in the digital age and how easily it can be used against us. That goes for anyone nowadays, not just teachers.
Now excuse me while I check to make sure my high school Xanga remains deleted.
Dear WeAreTeachers,
Now that weāre entering cold and flu season, Iām seeing more and more kids coming to school who are clearly miserable. Obviously Iām not a doctor, but when they can barely keep their head up off the desk or donāt want to go to recess, they should have stayed home, right? I feel sorry for them, but Iām also frustrated that I know they could be infecting the rest of the class or me. How do I talk to parents about this without sounding like Iām telling them how to parent? āThe Cesspool Lifeguard
Dear T.C.L.,
Those points are so valid. Additionally, here are some other angles to this complicated issue:
- We donāt have reliable or affordable childcare in this country. So in families where the guardian(s) work full-time, itās not always a possibility for kids to stay home.
- So many schools still give out awards for perfect attendance, creating pressure for kids and parents to come to school even when theyāre sick.
- Many parents donāt want their kids to miss instruction. My own students would tell me sometimes they were at school because they didnāt want to get behind, or that theyād planned to take an important test and then go home after that.
- COVID has wreaked havoc on our normal illness seasons, as anyone in the classroom can tell you.Ā
Luckily, as teachers, we donāt have to evaluate whether children are sick. Thatās the nurseās job. What you can do as a teacher is reach out to the parents to let them know your observations (but no diagnoses/medical advice!).
āHi Ms. Anderson. Just wanted to let you know that Davey seems not quite himself today. Our nurse said his temp is normal, but heās been pretty lethargic and says his head is hurting. Just wanted to keep you posted so you can monitor any developments this evening.ā
āHi Mr. Martinez, I wanted to send a quick update on Liliana. Sheās been having several sneeze attacks today, and each time she gets pretty frustrated. It might help to send her to school with her own tissues if youāre able. You can also call the nurse at (555) 555-555 for other tipsāsheās got a whole careerās worth of sneeze attack tips. Thanks!ā
Itās hard as a teacher to watch students feel miserable and to feel like a ticking illness bomb yourself. But try to remember there are multiple perspectives here. That doesnāt make your perspective less valid, but it can sometimes make it easier to understand a situation.
Dear WeAreTeachers,
Iām a first-year teacher struggling with ā¦ well, everything. But far more frustrating than my classroom challenges is the fact that my assistant principal wonāt offer me any kind of support. When I ask how to improve my classroom management, she says, āThatās for you to figure out.ā When we were going over a walk-through evaluation, she rated me low in my check for understanding. I asked her if she could tell me how to improve or what a good check for understanding looked like, she sighed like she was annoyed and said, āIāll remind you again that Iām not the classroom teacher here.ā Iām beyond insulted. Isnāt it her job to support me? āFloundering in First Grade
Dear F.I.F.G.,
Have you ever seen clips of Dikembe Mutombo, the NBA player who would wag his finger like āNo, no, noā after blocking a shot? Thatās how I feel reading this exchange. No, no, no, unhelpful AP. Not in my house. (My āhouseā being this advice column, I guess.)
Look, I get that administrators have their work cut out for them. They, too, are weighed down with bureaucratic nonsense and staff shortages that cut into their ability to do what their job should be, which is supporting teachers. But these responses are the equivalent of a shrug. Theyāre insulting, dismissive, and unhelpful.
First, make sure you document these interactions in case you end up with a negative formal evaluation later. You may need to prove that you asked for support and were routinely denied it.
Then, the next time you get dinged on an evaluation, ask her for specifics. What books does she recommend for this specific issue? Where can you go for professional development training on this topic? Can she arrange time for you to observe teachers in the building who have mastered this skill? If she canāt connect with you help, is there someone in the building or district who can point you in that direction?
After these softball questions, if she still canāt support you, itās time to go up the chain of command. When your AP wonāt point you toward how to improve, donāt make your students wait any longer than they need to.
Do you have a burning question? Email us atĀ askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear WeAreTeachers:
I know this probably sounds mean, but Iām done buying pencils. Iām done with the principle of it, Iām done with spending my own money, and Iām extra done with students telling me, āYouāre out of pencilsā like the pencils are straws at a restaurant. I know itās a silly hill to die on, but I struggle with conflicting messages like āDonāt spend your own money as a teacher!ā and āDo whatās best for kids.ā Isnāt whatās best for kids learning responsibility too? āPencil-Pincher