At some point, every teacher will have to attend a meeting to discuss a classroom issue (or issues) with a parent. While most of these meetings are a totally cordial, non-issue, standard part of the job, there are, of course, the outliers.
But no matter whether youâre looking forward to a meeting with a parent youâve known for years or dreading a meeting with a parent whoâs been openly hostile, here are some things that will help you have as productive a meeting as possible while protecting yourself in the process.
6 Things To Never Do in a Parent Meeting
1. Come empty-handed
At the very least, make sure to have a pen and notepad. And I know scheduling doesnât always make it easy, but unless youâre absolutely sure that your meeting will be a breeze, bring a fellow teacher or administrator. If you do, make sure to introduce them and explain that theyâre there to take notes and offer insight if needed. Other things to consider bringing to help clarify points and move the meeting faster:
- Samples of work, and in some cases, samples of other studentsâ work (with names removed for comparison). These can be helpful when a parent is having trouble understanding why a grade from a rubric wasnât higher.
- Documents that can be useful such as tardy logs, parent contact logs, class sign-out sheet(s), emails the student might have sent (or not responded to), screen shots from Google Classroom or other school management systems, etc.
- Dataâgrades, test scores, absences, etc.
2. Start on a rocky note
Look at the difference between these two meeting openers from a teacher:
âThanks so much for being willing to meet today. Iâm confident that between the three of us, we can address whatâs going on with Logan and formulate a plan for moving forward. Does that sound good? OK, first of all, heâs a bright kid. âŠâ
âMy next class starts in 20 minutes, so Iâll just get right into it: Iâm really concerned about Loganâs work habits. He rarely turns in anything on time, and when he does, itâs either incorrect or only partially done. I donât know what to do anymore.â
Starting on a positive note doesnât have to look like rattling off a hokey list of carefully worded euphemisms. Set parents at ease by communicating that you are on their team, and that you want to work together on the next game plan.
3. Make assumptions
In the same way that we wouldnât want a parent making negative assumptions about us or the way we teach, make sure youâre not doing the same with their parenting. Ask questions of parents as partners (âAbigail is very sleepy during class. Are you seeing the same thing at home? Do you know what could be causing this?â) instead of people youâve made up your mind about (âAbigailâs bedtime is way too late.â).
4. Agree to anything youâre unsure about
The pressure to say âSure!â can feel overwhelming in a parent meeting, especially if you tend to err on the side of people-pleasing. But you can do more harm than good by agreeing to a plan, request, or suggestion that you havenât had time to fully think through.
Thereâs nothing wrong with saying, âI canât commit to that right now, but Iâll make sure to circle back tomorrow when Iâve had time to think it through.â
5. Take the bait
Parent meetings can get stressful fast. Some parents may try to get you to comment on other childrenâs behavior or performance or what you think of school personnel or policies. Others might try to bait you into behaving unprofessionally with comments, questions, and tones they know to be reactive. Whenever the conversation edges into sneaky territory, be on guard and donât give them what they want: unprofessional behavior or speech that they can then use against you. (This is another reason to have another person present in the meeting.)
However, if a parent moves from being unpleasant to being hostile, see my next point:
6. Tolerate abuse
If a parent ever starts yelling, using threatening language, or being physically threatening (even if itâs just standing up during a heated conversation), hopefully an administrator intervenes to end the meeting. But if they donât for some reason, end it yourself. âItâs clear this meeting is no longer productive. Weâll reschedule for another time.â Leave immediately.
Note: Some districts will reprimand teachers for leaving a meeting without permission. If yours is this way, say, âI have a medical emergency I need to attend to immediately,â and bolt. Thereâs nothing they can do about that one, and they can get in big trouble if they pry about medical information.