34 Hilarious Things That Teachers Have Actually Said

Did that just come out of my mouth?

On our WeAreTeachers Instagram, we got to talking about all of the crazy things we find ourselves saying during the work day. Let’s face it, teaching is nothing like a typical office job and the words that come out of our mouths in complete seriousness, actually turn out to be a little funny, if not downright hilarious. Here are a few things that our Instagram readers found themselves saying at school that were…a little unexpected.

Apparently, we have a lot to say about noses and nose picking.

“Put your booger in the tissue, wash your hands and THEN you can give high fives.” —@knell926

high five

“We don’t put carrots up our nose.” @katieellis1209

“We keep erasers out of our noses.” —@defsteph11

“It’s not OK to chase your neighbor with a booger.” —@kristinehunt0720


“Stop seeing how far the pencil will go up your nose.” —@goobermnster

Pencil up nose

Not surprisingly, we have even more to say about mouths and what we should use them for (or rather, not use them for.)

“Please don’t clean the whiteboard with your tongue.” —@mrs.nti

“We don’t chew on our friends’ ears, Michael.” —@jamillexo

“We don’t eat our clothes.” —@appstatekst

“We don’t play the piano with our tongues.”— @sbabirak

“Please don’t chew on the books.” —@punnypwny

“We don’t eat the crayons.” —@aishataverasb

“Don’t eat your earwax!” —amy49104

Ear wax

“Please do not put the bathroom doorknob in your mouth.” —@mcneelycf

“Please don’t lick your shoes.” —@mcneelycf

“Stop licking her face.” —@b_bowers_88

“Don’t eat the air freshener.” —@e_stuebs

“Why is there a chewed up shoe in your desk?” —@rvayers

We have to talk about a lot of surprising bathroom issues too:

“You dropped your phone in the what?!” {urinal.}  —@brittany_brethauer


“Don’t drink from the urinal.” —@lward2226

“We don’t pee in the garbage can.” —@kerilacy

“Do not eat popcorn in the bathroom.” —@jarnpirate2011

“Please don’t eat the soap.” —@h_rae11

We also have to devote a lot of energy to addressing pencils and their accessories, even outside of noses:

“You cannot sharpen your finger.” —@melissa.malicious

“Why did you sharpen your finger?” —@reiskybusiness

“That was rude of her to fart on your pencil. Did you use an ‘I message’ with her??” —@jacque_jac

And then there are the random out of the blue things that no one could have ever predicted:

“Get out of the trash can.” —@aebolinger
get out of the trash can

“Please stop putting things inside his cast. —@outbackmumoftwo

“Please don’t put gum on the legos.” —@mdecka2

“You can’t use glue as chapstick.” —@abels.mama

glue as chapstick

Editorial note: The second tube in this image does look suspiciously like a gluestick to us. We can kind of appreciate the confusion.

“Stop blowing on people.” —@jayhuffmama

“We do not meow in the classroom” —@muchelle_steuber

“Backpacks are not to be used as slingshots.” —@fancypantsancy

We’ll end with our all time favorite teacher quote:

“We don’t lick the pencil sharpener.”

lick pencil

What the craziest thing you’ve found yourself saying as a teacher?