How do we explain to someone outside of the profession what teaching is really like? Itâs a daily juggle of a hundred moving parts and a crazy exhausting gig, to be sure. So what do we do when friends or loved ones feel neglected or are critical of our after-school availability or energy level?
Recently, ST wrote to our WeAreTeachers HELPLINE! with such a question: âAs teachers, we handle challenges and compromises all day, every day. How do you deal when friends donât understand that these challenges and compromises sometimes take priority over our personal lives? Teaching is not a job you just clock in and out of. I feel like the teaching career is so misunderstood.â
Our teacher friends spoke up and offered these words of wisdom:
Give your friends a chance to see your side.
Rebecca Bolton suggests having an honest dialogue with friends to help them understand where youâre coming from and give them a chance to be supportive. Lindsey Steele agrees,âAsk your friends to listen to your struggle without offering advice or negativity. Best friends will just listen when you ask them to.â
Or, take a page from Kathleen Morlanâs book. She once kept a diary of a day in her teaching life, time-stamping her activities in five-minute increments, and shared it with a friend. âHer first reaction,â Morlan tells us, âwas âyou waited that long to pee?â And her second, âTeachers are actors with a new script every class period!'â
Better yet, invite your friend to come in and shadow you for one day as a classroom volunteer. Thereâs nothing more effective for compassion-building than walking a mile in someone elseâs shoes. Once they feel the energy of a classroom, see how many demands are made every minute of the day and watch you juggle your workload, they may finally get it.
Be choosy with your friends.
âI have amazing friends,â shares Sarah Mattie. âThe ones who canât handle that Iâm not always available stop being in my life. Itâs not reasonable to expect people to be at your service all the time. Sure, I do drop everything when a friend is in crisis. Itâs what you do. But, if a friend is complaining about me not wanting to go to a concert at 10 pm on a Wednesday and refuses to understand why, thatâs not someone I need.â
Redefine your boundaries.
âIf friends arenât willing to cut you some slack,â agrees Zoe W., âitâs time to adjust your boundaries, and that may mean ending or cutting way back on the friendship. Some friends may just need to be a winter/spring/summer break friend.âÂ
Adjust your priorities.
Perhaps in the end, it may take some soul-searching to find the answer. After all, it is possible that your friend may actually be offering you some valuable insight. As one new teacher coach puts it, if you give everything you have to your job, you will have nothing left for yourselfâincluding nurturing relationships, which we all need. And if you have nothing left, youâll burn out before you even start.Â
If that is the case, take the advice of James Leatherman, who advises, âWork to live, not the other way around. Give 100% to your students while you are there and then leave your work at work when you go home.â Only you can decide the right balance between friends and work that makes sense for your life.Â
What tips do you have for teachers when friends donât understand teaching? Add your insight to the comments below.
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