Awards season is upon us. The Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, the Grammys, and the Oscars will have all of your favorite celebs prepping to look their best for the red carpet. Armed with a small army of stylists, makeup artists, and hair gurus, they have every resource imaginable to nail down that perfect look. And while you might plan and prepare for a hectic school day like a boss, the real world tends to bring even the best and most stylish teachers back to reality. Take a look at how preparing to walk the red carpet is (not) a lot like getting ready for school.
1. You have to wake up early.
Celebrities: To be red carpet ready, you’ve got to give yourself enough time to ensure everything is just perfect before heading out to the big event. So getting up early is key (after a peaceful night of at least eight hours of sleep).
Teachers: To be ready for any given school day, you also have to get up early. But that’s so you can make coffee, eat breakfast, take a shower, drink more coffee, make the kids’ lunches, finish grading a stack of essays, drive carpool, drink another cup of coffee, and arrange a parent-teacher conference, all before getting to school at the oh-so-reasonable hour of 6:50 a.m.
2. You have a skin-care regimen.
Celebrities: A lavender and sea salt facial followed by a foot massage at the trendiest spa imaginable to leave you feeling refreshed and rejuvenated for the big day.
Teachers: Your toddler throws applesauce on to your face, neck, ears, and grade book while you stumble through your kitchen stepping on LEGOs and screaming in agony.
3. You pick out the perfect outfit.
Celebrities: Hollywood A-listers spend weeks, if not months, consulting with top-tier stylists to put together perfect red carpet looks. Every detail must be perfect, because they know that making a good impression and setting trends are perhaps two of the most important parts of their job.
Teachers: A teacher’s dilemma: My brown blazer has a hole in the lapel. But it doesn’t have a mustard stain. My blue sport coat is two sizes too small. But I guess I can leave it unbuttoned. Oh to heck with it, I’m feeling glamorous today. I’ll wear my good suit (that I bought from the outlet store to wear on job interviews back when I was in college).
4. You answer a million questions.
Celebrities: Why did you want to play this character? What did this role mean to you as an actor? Who are you wearing? To be fully prepared for the blitz of red carpet journalists, you have to study for weeks beforehand and come up with a witty (and politically correct) answer to every possible question that could be thrown your way.
Teachers: When is recess? What was the homework? Are you grading on a curve? Why didn’t I get a better grade? Teachers, you better have answers to these questions, or it’s going to be a long day and an even longer school year.
5. You arrange transportation.
Celebrities: Before heading to the red carpet, you must make sure that you have a luxurious car, with space for your entourage, and a responsible driver to ferry you to the big event.
Teachers: Did I leave my keys in the car? Is there enough gas in the tank? Does it still smell from the Chinese takeout I left in there the other day? Oh crap! I’m supposed to drive the work carpool. I should have left 20 minutes ago. Our whole team is going to be late to school!
6. You have to stay hydrated.
Celebrities: Top-shelf sparkling mineral water is a must to make sure you’re healthy and ready for the rigor of the red carpet.
Teachers: Should I drink this coffee? Is it cold? Yes. Does it still have caffeine? Yes. No-brainer. Yes, I should definitely drink this coffee.
7. You have to prepare your speech.
Celebrities: You’ve finally made it. You’ve been nominated for a huge award, and you just might win. Time to write your acceptance speech. Make sure you thank everyone from God to your manicurist and add in an anecdote from childhood for color. You’ll have them eating from the palm of your hand.
Teachers: As a teacher, on the first day of school, you’re going to need a speech that is just as motivating and awe-inspiring as a celebrity’s award acceptance speech to get your students in the right frame of mind. But just remember your audience will be considerably younger, substantially more impressionable, and much less likely to give you a round of applause.
8. You prepare for the after-party.
Celebrities: The red carpet is done. The ceremony is over. The awards have been handed out. It’s time to party! Make sure you snag an invitation to the hottest, most exclusive after-party so you can see and be seen with all of the A-listers.
Teachers: School day’s done! Who wants $2 chips and salsa at the Mexican restaurant a block away from the school? Everyone? Let’s go!
What’s your getting ready for school routine? Does it look like Reese Witherspoon’s? Please share in the comments.